Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
