you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
