I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
