Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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