Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
