I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
