tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
