i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
