He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
