I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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