i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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