drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
