Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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