Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
