even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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