so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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