Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
