Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
