you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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