i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
