I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my liver is dry heaving
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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