Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
