I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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