Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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