i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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