I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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