Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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