I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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