Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
