Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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