I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize