tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
