This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
