The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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