i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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