Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups