3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.