I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar