its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"