I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.