I swear she didn't look like that last week.
from now on my penis is your penis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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