I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
