You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
