My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
