Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
