Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
