Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
