Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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