Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
