is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
