If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
