): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
