Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
