I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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