By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
