Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
