Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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