my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
