when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
