Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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