Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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