Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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