I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
