omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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