I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
