dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
