Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
