You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
