So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
