pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Be still, my beating vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
