i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
