Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
