I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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