finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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