I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
