You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
