dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
